Saturday, December 31, 2011

Top 11 of 2011

I knew God had done a lot in our lives this year, but it wasn't until I went back and looked at this blog a year ago that I realized how amazingly He has blessed us. I cannot believe I have had the chance to visit a beautiful country on another continent twice, become the parent to another child and watch our family grow in God's love through it all. God is good, people. So I now give you (in chronological order) our top 11 of 2011.

11. Visiting the Grand Canyon for our 5th wedding anniversary.

10. Attending Created for Care and meeting some women who would (literally) change our lives.

9. Having an eye opening revelation about adoption after receiving an e-mail from a reader that caused us to rethink and pray through the path we were on to adopt a healthy infant from Ethiopia.

8. Leaving the adoption agency and country program we were in to pursue the adoption of a waiting child in another country.

7. Traveling to Africa for the first time. Visiting an AIDS Hospital, several orphanages, and child remand homes. Falling in love with Uganda.

6. Hearing about our son for the first time and seeing his picture.

5. Being a part of the Girls Only Project.

4. Taking on a role with Sixty Feet as Child Sponsorship Coordinator.

3. Meeting Ambrose.

2. Bringing Ambrose home and reuniting as a family of five.

1. Watching God heal the brokenhearted, give compassion and patience to my two biological children, lavish grace on this mommy, and strengthen the bond between the Farmer and I through all of this.
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Friday, December 30, 2011

Give Without Spending a Penny!

I didn't want to let the day get away without asking my readers to do something quick and free to support Sixty Feet.

Cultivate Wines is giving away a $10,000 grant each month to the non-profit that gets the most votes on their website. Right now Sixty Feet is in 2nd place!

Voting costs nothing and you can vote once a day. You do have to login to vote, but you can use your Facebook account to login. We only have until tomorrow night at midnight. Tell your friends they can vote for Sixty Feet here!
If you're making year-end gifts and do want to give financially, Sixty Feet also has an amazing matching grant going on through tomorrow at midnight! Donations for that can be made here.

Sixty Feet is near and dear to our hearts. You can read about our work with them here.

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Thursday, December 29, 2011

When Things Aren't Magical

I'm trying really hard to strike a balance between a healthy level of "real" and whining.

Our Christmas did not go as planned. My grandfather, who is very close to us and the kids, spent the five days prior to Christmas in the hospital. He was released late Christmas Eve, but too weak to join in on any of the Christmas Day fun. My kids ran to the door everytime our dog barked thinking it was him. Then something else was dropped in our laps on Christmas that just left my head spinning. Out of respect for those involved, I will not go into it other than to say it is a very hurtful situation for my family of origin. On top of that, it was Ambrose's first Christmas home and I felt somehow mad at myself for not making it all perfect. 

So I woke up December 26th to shreds of gift wrap and apple pie goo stuck to the counter and cranky kids and the Farmer back to farming and feeling overwhelmed and tired. And 5 lbs heavier than I was last week. I logged on to the computer but quickly got off because reading people's uber- happy posts about magical Christmases just made me feel lame. Every book I picked up to try and boost my spirits somehow made me feel worse and I burrowed deeper into self-pity.

Take all of that an hit "repeat" and you've got the three days that followed. I had some not so shining moments. Including bursting into tears in my  neighbor's doorway when I went to pick something up from her. (Thank GOD she's a wonderful woman from our church who gave me a hug and told me it would be alright.)

One night this week I put on pajamas and sat down to watch TV and realized I was wearing a tie-dyed church camp t-shirt with multicolored snowflake fleece sweats. A perfect analogy for life at the moment. My sweet husband gave me a big hug and told me I looked cute.

The next morning when the alarm went off, I still felt the Eeyore cloud situated over me. I waited for the online bible I use to load and shut my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, the verse of the day caught my eye - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Weary - yep, that was me. Rest. I could use some of that. Then I went back to the beginning of the verse Come to me...

Was I? Was I taking all my ugly to Him and asking Him to make it beautiful again?

By now the circumstances that had me feeling low weren't the problem.

I was.

What we search for we usually find. I wasn't searching for goodness and truth amid the chaos. I was, perhaps, wallowing a bit.

Sometimes we have to work really really hard to find Jesus in a situation. But we always find him if we look hard enough. So I changed my prayer  from Lord, change these situations to Lord, change me. I started seeking Him, not a magic solution that would make all the problems go away. And in that seeking, the miracle occurred when I felt the depth of His love for me just by looking around a bit. Beyond the post- Christmas mess and the backdrop of family issues, I have these people around me who love me even when I don't deserve it. I have a husband who is a real man. Who loves his children and wife and works hard to provide for us. I have three precious children who love each other and want to know Jesus. I have a Savior who is always there.

So the next time life doesn't go as planned and holidays aren't magical, I will search for Jesus. And I can confidently say I will find a great treasure in that pursuit.

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Friday, December 23, 2011

A Walk Down Memory Lane

Alternately titled, "The Many Hairstyles of The Farmer's Wife."

I told you I love Christmas cards. Now let's relive the last 6 years of Christmas cards, shall we?

 2006

2007

2008


2009



2010



2011


Thursday, December 22, 2011

DIY Gifts for the Non-Crafty Crafter

Spoiler alert! No reading this if you're in my family!

Christmas is just days away and I'm busy as a bee finishing up my last few DIY gifts. I always get a little ambitious when planning these things and then find myself up late at night to get things done! These three gifts are low cost, useful gifts that anyone can make.

1. Play Mat. This isn't complete, but you get the idea. I got lots (and lots!) of felt on sale at Hancock Fabrics (for $2.50/yard.) Jon helped design this and we just hot glued and puff painted away! It was actually really fun. Since I knew it was for our boys, I wasn't too worried about it being perfect. Our guys love building things with their blocks and spending hours playing cars, so we think they'll have fun with this.


The two hardest people to shop for were our moms. They are very important to us, so I really wanted to get them something special. Clothes and jewelry are both kind of out because they involve personal taste. Giftcards seem impersonal for two of our closest family members. So I thought about each mom and what she likes, uses, and thought if there was anything I could make that fit them.

For my mom -

Goodwill vase + gems = make-up brush holder


I know my mom will use this. She uses like 10 different makeup brushes everyday, so it seems perfect!

As for my mother in law, she loves jewelry. After some surfing around on Pinterest, I decided to make her a jewelry holder.

I started with a frame from Goodwill (notice a pattern here??)


I covered the backing with scrapbook paper and Modpodge-d it.


Added some lace by hot glueing it around the back.



Next, I glued on some knobs. I could've drilled them in, but I wasn't sure if the frame could handle that so I just hot glued it. Then I added a cute little notecard and hatpin and put it all in the frame. She can hang her earrings on the lace and necklaces on the knobs.



I really enjoyed making these. There's something so special about spending time to make someone something you hope they'll like.

Linking up today -

Works for me Wednesday, Women Living Well, and Whatever Goes Wednesday.



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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

In Defense of Santa

I must be out of my mind delving into this. I'm either going to make a lot of friends or a lot of enemies today! I kid, I kid. I want to share our take on Santa. And I'd love to hear yours' too.

I'm seeing the Santa concept in a whole new light this year, having just added to our family. Cade has now asked twice why Santa doesn't visit orphanages (oy.) Ambrose thinks all American traditions are weird, so he's like, "Okay, first it was Halloween and now this nonsense...." Here is a really funny blog post about how foreigners view Santa.

photo source

So it would make sense just to do away with the fat man this year, but we won't and here's why.

When my mom was growing up, my grandparents took a hiatus from Christmas. They were never really your traditional Santa-believing types, but for a few years, there was no tree, no gifts, none of the usual Christmasy things. Their reasons for doing this were well-intended.  My grandpa is a pastor and they are the spiritual backbone of our family. Despite this, my mom recalls the time with sadness. She felt different, weird, and ostracized.

This year I'm feeling a little weird and not very holy. Because we "do" Santa.

It's been a really interesting topic on blogs and Facebook. A friend of mine mentioned that she feels judged for not doing Santa. I told her I've felt a little judged because we do Santa! Do you do Santa? The right answer in Christian circles these days seems to be "No, of course not, I want my kids to know Christmas is about Jesus." (a statement I wholeheartedly agree with.)

Yet, we still do Santa.

It seems like each year we spend less and less on traditional gifts, so I completely get the urge to do away with materialism. My kids get a stocking and a gift or two.

I've also read lots lately about reclaiming Christmas for Jesus. In our house, Christmas has always been His. We talk about Jesus everyday, not Santa. My children know that Jesus is their Savior, Redeemer, their Hope. A recurring theme for us this advent has been that the world was dark and Jesus came and brought the light. To them, the entire Christmas season is Jesus everyday.

I never encourage my children to be good for Santa. We don't do the Elf on the Shelf (no judgement on those of you who do!) We talk about the Holy Spirit within us that convicts us of sin. All year long.

Santa is this seperate, other thing. Not worthy of upstaging Jesus. Not even in the same category as Jesus. Santa is a silly, fun thing we do for one or two days of the year. Jesus is our Savior, who we talk about daily. The two are not in competition with each other, at all.

I like the idea of there not being this crazy American Santa tradition, but the fact is, it's there. And like all things, I think it is what we make it. If we talk Santa everyday all Christmas season, I agree that detracts from the gospel message of Christmas. But letting my kids think that their stocking was filled by this benevolent stranger from up North? I'm okay with that. I don't feel burdened to do away with Santa altogether.

I have too many childhood memories of whispering with my brother and sisters on Christmas Eve after we were supposed to be asleep, or setting cookies out for Santa and jumping out of our beds early on Christmas to see if he came. In our family, the Santa charade was a tradition. It was funny to play along after we knew he wasn't real, thinking how cute our parents were to think we believed in him! The older ones kept quiet until our youngest sibling discovered he wasn't real. None of us were scarred that our parents let us believe in Santa. We love Jesus as adults.

So I'm letting my kids believe in Santa. But he's not the one we're spending a whole season celebrating.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Christmas Card Rejects

Ah, the annual Christmas card. I love it. I love sending them, I love receiving them. I love the photo session prior to the Christmas card. I am a stickler about having family photos done a minimum of once a year. In 2009, I think we did 3 different sessions (Ellie was born, okay!) This year my sweet friend Lauren blessed us with a photo session as her baby gift to us and she captured some great pictures, (refresh my header like a jillion times to see the best ones.)

But I would be a big fake-O if I didn't share these little beauties with you, too.

Enjoy.

Ambrose: Wait! I don't want this drum. Her drum looks better.

Ambrose: I want thaaaaat one!

Ambrose: (on strike)
Ellie: realizes Ambrose wants her drum and is now loving it even more.

Yea, cause that's not creepy at all....

Could be a cute picture. 'Cept I'm ugly laughing.


No comment.
I really, really wonder what Ambrose is thinking here. See, Cade and Ellie have been subjected to annual (and semi-annual) photo shoots their whole lives. I'm pretty sure Ambrose just thinks we're nuts. Sit there and play a drum for the nice lady with a camera? Ooookay, mom.......................


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Monday, December 19, 2011

He Makes Beautiful Things

Three months ago today, I stepped off of an airplane in Uganda and this shy little boy walked into my life.



Last night when I was tucking him in, Ambrose and I were sharing our favorite memories of Uganda. He smiled big when I talked about that September day we met. I told him how very, very happy I was that day to get to be his mommy.

After he was asleep, I got to thinking about this little guy of mine. He truly is our miracle child. The little boy I met three months ago is now a very different child. He has gained 7 lbs and grown 3 inches taller in the last three months. The parasites that left him with a sick, bloated tummy are gone. The protein deficiency he suffers from is slowly being resolved.

Today he is full of mischief, love, and joy. He adores Cade and Ellie and frequently tells me Cade is his best friend. He still wants to be carried, held, and snuggled  (all of which are things I gladly oblige!) but he has this security to him that he didn't that day we met. When we met, he hung onto us for dear life. While he was still in the orphanage, he would howl when we left at night. Once we had custody of him, he couldn't sleep unless I was literally holding him firmly in my arms. Today he likes being close to us, but at bedtime he can roll over contentedly and say, "Goodnight, Mommy. I see you tomorrow."  Tonight he specified, "Mommy, you come lay with me for just five minutes."

The other day we had our first post placement report with our social worker, where we spent about an hour with her going over our time together so far and discussing how everything was going. During the visit, Ambrose played with a tractor from my purse but stopped every few minutes to come snuggle up on my lap and give hugs and kisses. He was wary of the social worker (all adoptive parents know this is a very, very good thing. Especially considering my sweet boy ran up and hugged a TSA agent in the airport on his way home!)

Yesterday we had another huge victory. He and Cade were playing and both getting a bit cranky and tired. It was mid-afternoon and I told them they each needed some resting time in their rooms. Of course, neither was happy with me and both fussed about it. I followed Ambrose up to his room to comfort him and asked him to take a deep breath and look in my eyes. AND HE DID. Then I asked if a hug would make him feel better. He nodded (huge victory. When we were first together, if he was mad he wanted nothing to do with me and would push me away.) I suggested some books in bed to help him relax and he happily agreed.  A couple of minutes later I walked out of the room and my boy was flipping through books contentedly. Three months ago, when he was unhappy with me about anything, he would sob and sob uncontrollably for half an hour. It hurt so much to see him hurting that much. I just can't believe this is the same boy.

Getting here has not been seamless. We've had long nights and rough days. But every single minute was worth it and I would do it all again tomorrow. Every child heals differently and it is a difficult and lifelong process and I do not mean in any way to discount that. I'm certainly not saying this was easy. It was hard, and still is hard some days.

Yet, through the redemptive power of Jesus, who takes broken things and makes them whole, this little guy is becoming the child he never got to be before. The child who doesn't have to worry about parenting himself or not getting enough food or his hurting stomach and just gets to be a four year old boy. I have to pause and thank the great, big God who has allowed me to mother this precious child.

Let me assure you: we did not rescue this child, nor are we even capable of that. He is not lucky to have us. We have been extravagantly blessed by him in our lives.

These two pictures were taken seven months apart. For me, the change in my little boy is visible.

March 2011 - the first picture we saw of you!

November 2011

Ambrose Masaba, you have blessed this family more than you ever know with your sparkling eyes and infectious laugh. You are such a gift to us. We love you forever.  

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Friday, December 16, 2011

Rethinking Adoption: God Doesn't Need My Favors

When I first became passionate about Christians caring for the fatherless, I just didn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to adopt. I was FURIOUS with Pat Robertson when he said people needed to "count the cost" before adopting. I thought, "Great, he just gave people an out and scared them off from adopting!"

Today I am going to do something I will probably not ever do again and I'm going to agree with Pat Robertson. Oh, my fingers burn just typing that! Let me do some splainin'.

Let's go back to that first sentence. It was a little arrogant, I'll admit. I would have conversations where people would say their reasons for not adopting -

"We just don't have the money"
"I can barely handle the kids I have"
"I just couldn't love an adopted child as my own"

And so on. Inside I would be thinking, oh, come on, you could do this!

Now as an adoptive parent of exactly three months, let me tell you this:

God doesn't need you to do Him any favors. If you don't want to adopt for any reason, DON'T.

If you aren't ready for the reality of adoption (which is that it's messy and borne of tragedy), don't do it. I wanted to adopt. I want to adopt again. I have been blessed beyond measure by my second born son. But  with all my passion for adoption and love for my child, this is still hard. It isn't like, oh, I wanted to bring a child home and I did and he loves me every second of every day and nevermind the traumatic past he has, he's just so happy to have a home!  

Guiding a little heart toward healing is hard. Parenting through grief and trauma is sometimes exhausting. It takes patience that I have to constantly ask God to give me. I cannot fathom having gone into this not 100% devoted to helping our child heal, no matter what the cost.

Because guess what?

I'm selfish. And so are you, unless you're Jesus. Being a part of helping a child heal takes selflessness that I just don't naturally have.

So I guess I would say this:

God doesn't need your favors or mine.

He's God.

Now, let me backpedal. God calls the church to care for orphans and widows, so I'm not saying not to care. I'm talking specifically about adoption. As my good friend Pat Robertson said, people should consider the cost, out of fairness to their adopted child and entire family, and be sure that is something they are prepared for.

If you want to do something about the orphan crisis, really examine how you can be a part of the solution. Consider giving money to a reputable organization that helps orphaned children or sponsoring a child or becoming a mentor or CASA worker. Adopt if you're kept up at night with that fire in your heart to bring a child into your home and see them through the hardest of days. Otherwise, don't. Really, it's ok. I hereby give you permission to just not want to do it.(I know, you're breathing a real sigh of relief there.)

If you are one of those people up at night with that burning inside and you just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is what God wants you to do, then DO IT. And don't worry about money or how many rooms are in your house. That all falls in place. Instead, get on your knees right now and pray for God to give you the grace to be the parent that child needs. Know that He is going to stretch you farther than you ever imagined.

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Update on my friend Sara

I'm sorry to keep you hanging without an update on my friend Sara sooner. (By the way, I was so blessed by how many of you joined in prayer for this sweet family.)

I've gotten several emails from concerned readers wanting an update, so here you go.
While they don't yet have a definitive ruling, Sara feels optimistic. She wrote more about that here:

http://letloveguide.blogspot.com/2011/12/with-thanksgiving-in-our-hearts.html

Please keep them in your prayers as they wait.

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Gift Wrapping Gone Awry

We walked outside and it was this kind of day.



And since this momma doesn't like to drive in the fog, I declared it a "Fog Day" and kept Cade home from preschool. I thought we could get started wrapping presents. I had visions of the kids carefully selecting the wrapping paper for each gift and thoughtfully talking about the recipient.

Instead, things went like this:

1. The wrapping paper tub was dumped.



2. And used as a sled.





3. A few gifts got wrapped. And Cade announced, "I know, maybe since we're giving people gifts, they'll give us gifts back!" Cause, you know, it's better to give than receive, or something like that.



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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Friend Sara {urgent prayer request}

Sara is a really good friend.


She makes a mean Mexican fiesta, even in Africa. She shared her washing machine so I didn't have to do laundry by hand. Then she put on a headlamp when the power went out mid-laundry load and started scrubbing my clothes herself.

That's a good friend.

I met her at Created for Care last year. We spent four hours in the Atlanta airport together. She was getting ready to go to Africa to adopt her two kiddos.

We met again in Africa in April.

And again in September.

Her adoption didn't go as planned. She and her husband and children have been living in Africa for nine months. They intended on being there for 6-8 weeks.

Here, watch the video to get the whole story.



Tomorrow is a huge day for them. They are appearing before a court of appeals. Their greatest hope is to be home for Christmas, but that will require a series of miracles.

Please, please, join me in praying tonight at 10:30 PM MST.There is nothing quite as nerve racking as sitting in a court room in a foreign country listening to a lawyer plead for your child. I want Sara to know when she is sitting in that court room that people all over the world are storming heaven on her behalf.

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Monday, December 12, 2011

The Stories I Hear

Through my work with Sixty Feet, I am given the background information on the children Sixty Feet serves. My role as child sponsorship coordinator is basically to look at that information and organize and track it as a sponsor comes along.
And let me tell you, I hear some stories.

Stories of children kidnapped by the Lord's Resistance Army as preschoolers. Stories of children abused by people who should be protecting and loving them. Stories too horrible to be made up.

These are the types of stories one hears on the news. They are hard to hear. Sometimes I want to stop reading and pretend this hasn't happened to children. But hearing them and knowing they are the stories of individual children, not statistics, just takes my breath away.

During our trip to adopt Ambrose, I spent a good deal of time at the remand homes, getting to know the kids we work with and listening to these stories.  It was so good for me as a sponsorship coordinator to see them face to face and hear their hearts.

Debriefing at M2 with Kelsey, one of the Sixty Feet interns.

I learned Kevin loves to have her picture taken and only wants to be friends with kids who have "good manners and greet others properly."



I listened to the story of Josephine, a young girl who was in her mid-teens and expecting a baby. She spoke very little English and I speak very little Luganda. I prayed with her and hoped that she received some comfort from my words, even those she didn't understand. Young. Pregnant. And imprisoned.

Then one day I didn't hear any stories at all. We were visiting M3 that day. The children at M3 can't tell their own stories. They are either too young or have special needs that leave them incapable of advocating for themselves at all. M3 is a place where absolutely defenseless children are kept.

The day we arrived there, a beautiful young teen with Cerebral Palsy came running toward the car, fell behind it, and had a violent seizure for what seemed like minutes. By the grace of God, the Sixty Feet medical personnel were with us and were able to examine her.

After that commotion, we continued in and were hugged non-stop by special needs children, so excited to have people visiting them. There was an outbreak of pink eye going on and every child that touched me had infected eyes that still somehow sparkled with joy.

The young girl who had the seizure came over and made herself at home on my lap. Which was quite a sight to see because she is my size, but in her mind she is a toddler, so she wanted me to hold and rock her like a baby. She stroked my hair and kissed my hands. She had such a sweet, innocent spirit. And she was so, so vulnerable.

I left that place shaken to the core. I still regard M3 as the most astounding, heart breaking place I have ever been. It was a place where I felt so useless and small and so in  need of our very big God to move. Those kids so desperately needed out of there. The difficulty is, these are not children we can have sponsored and place in residential boarding schools. They need real, ongoing care in a place where they are completely protected and nurtured.

When the Sixty Feet board announced plans to build a home of its' own for the youngest and most vulnerable children - those children from M3 as well as the other homes - I felt peace and hope. There is a solution. We can do something for them, even the children facing the greatest challenges.

God has so richly blessed Sixty Feet with a matching grant through December 31 to begin constructing a home for these children. Every penny - up to $60,000 will be matched. I love knowing that when I give, my dollars are not only providing a safe home for these children, but are being doubled.

I can't wait to be a part of the next chapter of this story. Where hope is renewed and precious heads sleep on beds at night, not concrete floors. Where young souls are awakened to the truth of the Gospel and new stories are written on their hearts.

Please join me in praying and giving during these vital last days of 2011. Lives will be changed. New stories will be penned. And through it all, God will be glorified.
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Friday, December 9, 2011

How We Roll

It was a big day of Merry-making around here.



After long naps (oh, thank you, Jesus) today, we got started on cookie making. While the first batch cooled, we headed out to Target to buy Angel Tree gifts.



Jamming to the finest in holiday music, of course.

After my kids had their fill of Target popcorn and were satisfied with the things we purchased for our angels (the Transformers t-shirt, not Captain America), it was back home for more rolling, cutting, and sampling and flour tossing and general mess er- merry making.



Then the moment finally came, when the last dinner vegetable was consumed, where each child got to frost and sprinkle TWO cookies and eat them before bed!


Ellie preferred licking her frosting off and then trying to pawn her cookies off on Daddy in favor of more frosting.



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