The thing that pulls me from God and offers me false comfort in His place no longer grips me. I am letting it go, no longer coddling and nursing this sin along.
I can think of many things I could stand to give up for these 40 days, but my love affair with food was a glaring spot on my heart. I understand that not everyone has this relationship with food and many people can enjoy food in a more spiritually healthy way, so I'm not saying that enjoying food is inherently sinful. Yet, I felt deeply convicted about the emotional ties I have formed with food and knew it was time to deal with it. To reveal my ugly to the One who already sees it all and ask Him to take it from me.
Today is about surrender.
What's interesting is that I don't surrender this with trepidation or out of sacrifice. I know that nothing I could do would earn His love or make me lose his love, so I am certainly not trying to do penance. Rather, I am looking deeply into my own soul, which so longs for my Savior, and seeing this barricade between He and I.
Today I joyfully hand it over to God.
The past week or so I've felt so much self-doubt and questioned whether or not I could really do this. Deep down, my sinful self really likes this one. I like losing myself in a dessert at the end of a long day or indulging in a frappucino late in the afternoon. It's such an easy, excusable sin. After all, I'm trying to love my husband, raise these kids well, homeschool, run our house and work in orphan care ministry, can't a girl have a donut every now and then?! Yes, maybe someday I will reach that point, but where I stand today is in a place of needing to completely walk away from foods that pose an emotional temptation. Anything that tempts me to turn my back to God in favor of a quick and easy pick-me-up must go.
So I'll stop wondering whether or not I can do this. The whole reason I'm committing to this fast is because I know I can't do this. But Jesus can and He wants closeness with me as much as I want closeness to Him. And that is better than dessert any day.
What's on your altar today?
"Even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”
Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
- Joel 2:12-13
<3 this! I want to join you... <3 I have a love affair with food too!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Traci
I will be praying for you! I need to read those books you recommended and someday I'll have to do this too. I am surrendering social media. It consumes time that I could be spending silently, communing with God, seeking His direction. It makes me feel envious of others, wanting what they have. It makes me angry that other lives seem easier, or that they create a facade. These are not what God wants me to feel by having "friends" on Facebook. Those who are friends and do care know others way to connect with me. It was something that was put on my heart while I spent time in solitude.
ReplyDeleteThis is Paula, btw.
DeletePaula, social media was a biggie for me, too. In fact if I were to choose a second thing to let go of, that would be it. Thanks for sharing with such openness. It's hard to face our uglies, isn't it?
DeleteLara, I'll be praying for you. I, too, have had a love affair with food. It's still an area that Satan creeps into from time to time but I can honestly say that I've had a lot of victories with it; so just wanted to encourage you. I tend towards high cholesterol so giving up many of my comfort foods was a health-issue-thing but I've ended up seeing it as a spiritual issue also. I would go to parties that had a food table and I was so drawn to that table - it was definitely an obsession. It's about all I'd think about while we were there. An example: if we went to a wedding and Sam didn't want to go to the reception because time was an issue, I'd still want to go (yes, because of the food!) I look at that and it's ridiculous-I had food at home, but I was willing to spend an hour waiting for the bride and groom to get there because I wanted the food. Anyway, I just wanted to share that you can have this victory! It will probably always be a weak spot, as it is w/me; but I think we need those weak spots so that we can know that it's not US but GOD that gives the victory. As long as I rely on Him and not my own will power, He gives the victory. (And it does become easier - which is great!)
ReplyDeleteMy surrender is fear....I allow myself to think and rethink my inadequacy and how I might mess up and it creates this paralyzing fear in me that makes me do things that are so out of character for me and not do things the Lord has called me to. Since we started this adoption journey I am realizing how much of a stronghold fear is, fear that I will say or do the wrong thing now that so many people are watching me etc. I used to be able to hide when I felt inadequate, now that so many eyes are on our journey there is no hiding, but thats a good thing. God did not give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). That fear is not of God and it comes between my Savior and I, and it needs to go. I am going to be praying truth, and strong scripture over my own life every day and every instance I start to doubt myself, or rather I doubt that the God who lives in me is capable. Thanks for this post, and your honesty Lara!
ReplyDelete